We spend a LOT of time trying to improve our lives.
We work on our health. We exercise, eat better, try to get more sleep, set goals, build careers, save money, and create routines that will hopefully make life feel a little easier. As a life and health coach, I am always trying to help people improve these!
And while all of those things matter, one of the most important ingredients for a happy, healthy life is something we tend to overlook. Trust me, I was too.
It’s Our Relationships!
I've been revisiting The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness, written by Dr. Robert Waldinger and Dr. Marc Schulz.
The book explores findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which began in 1938! Yes, you read that right! Over 85 years of info! Researchers have followed participants and their families over generations, studying their health, relationships, careers, emotional well-being, and life satisfaction.
And one of the clearest findings is this: Warm, supportive relationships are strongly associated with happier, healthier, and longer lives.
Let's talk about why this matters...and more importantly, what we can DO with this information.
1. It's the QUALITY of Our Relationships That Matters
One of the most important lessons from the study is that we don't need an enormous social circle to experience the benefits of connection.
We need people we can count on.
People who listen. People who care. People we can laugh with, be ourselves around, and turn to when life gets hard.
And these connections don't have to be romantic relationships. They can be friendships, family members, neighbors, coworkers, or people we meet through shared interests.
In fact, a person can be surrounded by people and still feel incredibly lonely.
On the flip side, someone with a small circle of meaningful connections can feel deeply supported and fulfilled.
Try this: Think about the people in your life. Who leaves you feeling lighter, calmer, accepted, or more like yourself? Those are relationships worth nurturing.
2. Good Relationships May Actually Protect Our Physical Health
Here's one of the most fascinating findings.
Researchers discovered that participants' satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a stronger predictor of their health at age 80 than their cholesterol levels at age 50.
Think about that!
The study doesn't prove that relationships alone cause better health, but the association is compelling and supported by other research.
Why might this happen?
One explanation involves our stress response.
When we're under stress, our nervous system prepares us to handle a threat. Our heart rate increases, muscles tense, and stress hormones help us respond.
That's useful when we need it. But when stress is ongoing and we don't feel supported, it can become harder to recover.
Supportive relationships can help buffer stress. Feeling understood, cared for, and emotionally safe can help us settle after difficult experiences.
This is part of what we call co-regulation. Our interactions with other people can influence how calm or activated we feel.
Think about the difference between talking to someone who judges, dismisses, or criticizes you and someone who listens with warmth and compassion.
You can often FEEL the difference in your body.
Try this: Notice which relationships help you feel calmer and more grounded. Make a little more room for those people in your life.
3. Relationships Need Exercise, Too!
One of my favorite concepts from the book is something the authors call social fitness.
We understand that if we want to stay physically healthy, we need to move our bodies regularly.
But how often do we think about exercising our relationships?
It's easy to get caught up in work, family responsibilities, endless to-do lists, and everyday life. Before we know it, months have passed since we've connected with someone we care about.
The authors remind us that relationships don't necessarily maintain themselves.
They need attention, time, and care.
And the good news? Small efforts can make a difference.
Try a little social fitness this week:
Send a thoughtful text or voice message
Schedule a recurring coffee date or walk
Ask someone a meaningful question and really listen
Remember something important to someone and follow up
Make time for laughter, fun, or a shared experience
Express appreciation instead of assuming someone already knows how you feel
These little actions might not seem like much, but they're how we build and maintain meaningful connections over time.
4. Not All Relationships Are Good for Us
This is an important distinction.
The research doesn't suggest that we should maintain every relationship at any cost.
In fact, chronically stressful, hostile, or unsupportive relationships can negatively affect our well-being.
And this is where healthy boundaries become so important.
A good relationship isn't one where people always agree or never experience conflict. It's one where there's mutual respect, trust, care, and an ability to work through disagreements.
Sometimes investing in our well-being means strengthening a relationship.
Other times, it means creating healthier boundaries, changing how we interact, or stepping away from a harmful dynamic.
Try this: Ask yourself, "Does this relationship generally support my well-being, or do I regularly feel drained, anxious, or diminished?"
We don't need perfect relationships. But we do need relationships where we can feel safe, valued, and respected.
5. It's Never Too Late to Build Connection
This might be my favorite part of the book.
No matter your age or life circumstances, there are opportunities to build new relationships and strengthen existing ones.
Maybe you've gone through a divorce, (raising my hand here) moved somewhere new, retired, lost a loved one, or simply drifted away from old friends.
Maybe you're realizing that you've spent so much time taking care of everyone else that your own friendships have fallen by the wayside.
You can begin again.
Connection often grows through repeated, ordinary interactions. Seeing the same people at a class, walking group, volunteer organization, or local coffee shop creates opportunities for familiarity and friendship.
You don't have to find your new best friend tomorrow.
You just have to start showing up.
Try this: Find one place where you can regularly connect with people who share an interest. A book club, yoga class, hiking group, volunteer opportunity, or community event is a great place to start.
Consistency matters more than making an instant connection.
6. Don't Forget the Relationships at Work
Many of us spend a significant portion of our lives working.
And the quality of our workplace relationships can influence how we feel both during and after the workday.
Having a trusted colleague, a supportive supervisor, or simply people who treat us with kindness can make difficult days feel more manageable.
On the other hand, constant criticism, conflict, exclusion, or a lack of psychological safety can add significantly to our stress.
We don't have to be best friends with everyone at work. But building trust, showing appreciation, offering help, and treating others with genuine interest can make the workplace feel more human.
Even a quick conversation or a sincere "I really appreciate what you did" can make a difference.
7. A Good Life Is Built in Ordinary Moments
Here's what I hope you'll remember: Happiness isn't necessarily found in some big accomplishment, perfect relationship, or future version of your life. So much of it happens in the ordinary moments.
A conversation where you feel understood
A friend who checks in
A shared laugh
Someone remembering something important to you
Having someone to call when things fall apart...or when something wonderful happens
And being that person for someone else
These are the moments that help create a life that feels good to live.
Your Challenge This Week: One Relationship, One Small Action
Think about ONE relationship you'd like to strengthen.
It could be your partner, a friend, a sibling, a neighbor, or someone you haven't connected with in a while.
Ask yourself: What's one small thing I could do this week to help this relationship feel a little warmer, closer, or more connected? Then do it.
Send the message. Make the invitation. Offer the compliment. Ask the question. Give someone your full attention. We don't need to make relationships another overwhelming item on our to-do lists. We just need to remember that the people we love, and the people who love and support us, deserve some of our time and energy. And so do we.
Because when we invest in warm, supportive relationships, we're investing in one of the most important ingredients of a happy, healthy life.
⬆️ Want more help…? On Instagram, I share a TON of tips and inspiration to help live a life with more joy and less stress. I'd love to see you there! @uplevellifecoach
⬆️ Would you love more personalized support?
Reading about these tools is one thing. Figuring out how to apply them to your life...well, that's another. That's where I can really help!! I've done it myself and helped countless clients do it too. We can get to the root of what's keeping you stressed, and really change things so that you feel good again. Ping me HERE!
💛 More joy. Less stress. A life that feels good to live.
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